I lit it behind the shed
with a match I struck on the tinโ
my thumb raw from trying.
The cigarette trembled
between fingers that still knew
Lego and scraped knees.
I didnโt cough.
Didnโt blink.
Just held the burn in
like I was keeping a secret
only smoke could understand.
The dog watched,
head tilted,
like he knew Iโd crossed
into something I couldnโt uncross.
By the time Mum called for tea,
my breath was fire and hush,
and Iโd decided
not to be a boy anymore.
Ryan Stone

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